This Week’s Dating in the Dark

Diarmaid Maher, former contestant on Living’s TV dating experience, Dating in the Dark, gives his take on this week’s episode.

Another week, and another group of dating hopefuls. This week’s show introduced us to three ladies from across the UK looking for love, in Charlene, a Welsh skincare therapist described as a ‘brunette Barbie’ by friends, glamour model Janine from Scotland, and bubbly Essex girl Jenna. In the gentlemen’s quarters, we had Samuel, an incurable romantic and geek-chic fashionista, straight-talking P.E. teacher Dan, and Sam, an events manager and self-proclaimed “11/10” in the looks category.

And so we began. Sam and Janine’s romance seemed to take off faster than Michael Johnson from a Ku Klux Klan reunion, with their attraction building from the moment they met in the group date and through the first round of dates. Likewise with Samuel and Charlene, as Charlene’s revealed penchant for dark-skinned men was seized upon from the outset by Samuel and romance blossomed. Unfortunately vivacious Jenna wasn’t quite Sam’s cup of tea, as he played along in his date in the hope of gaining popularity in the ladies’ enclosure, and with Janine in particular.

Following the first round of dates, the compatibility matches were revealed. Unsurprisingly, geek-loving Charlene was matched with spec-wearing Samuel and club dancing Janine was matched with club promoter Sam which left unlikely couple Jenna and Dan, who came in with a whopping 82% compatibility match. During the compatibility dates, all appeared to be rosy with Sam and Janine as their attraction was formalised with a kiss, Samuel and Charlene got physical as they body painted in the dark and Jenna made it her duty to shake her booty as she gave Dan a dancing lesson, with seeds of attraction finally seeming to take hold.

Following the compatibility dates, each singleton chose one more rendezvous before the light reveal choice is made. For Sam, his chosen date with Janine was perhaps one too much, as his confident approach descended to arrogance, and the Lynx effect he’d previously exuded, was transformed to woman repellent. It’s a fine border between behaving confidently and behaving arrogantly but the difference in the effect on women is polar by comparison. Janine also went on a final date with Dan, hoping that she might find a spark when dating the kind of ‘good guy’ she always wished she dated, but never seemed to find attractive. They seemed to have a pleasant date which ended in a kiss, albeit seeming a little bit too gentle and ‘sweet’ a kiss for Janine’s pallet – with the old dating adage that ‘good girls like bad guys’ slowly rearing it’s familiar head. Charlene and Samuel’s relationship hit a rocky patch as Samuel’s vanilla cheesecake went down like a special guest appearance from Hitler at a Barmitzvah, and his last minute dance routine was equally shambolic.

But there’s nothing quite like the light reveal to illuminate the true superficial side of our daters. Both Jenna and Janine seemed interested in Dan’s boyish charms however when the showroom lights went on, both Jenna and Janine dismissed Dan as what he was selling in the looks department, they certainly weren’t buying. As my man Willy Shakes put it, ‘frailty, thy name is woman’! Janine’s light reveal with Sam took a similar line as his cheeky poses in the light were about as welcome as a pork platter at a Mosque, the big rescue he was needing his looks to perform following his arrogant overtures in their final date, unfortunately not being pulled off. However Charlene and Samuel’s light reveal was much more successful, with super-cute Charlene blowing Samuel away and Samuel’s complexion providing her with the ‘dark chocolate’ her pallet craved. Shame she doesn’t like us Milkybars!

Thus the drawing room provided no surprises really. Jenna shook her hips one last time as she exited the house with suitcase in tow. Similarly, Janine shimmied out of the house, although this time leaving Sam and Dan looking on from rejection row. Unsurprisingly the reactions of the two were very different, Dan left with a ‘no guts no glory’ attitude, while cocky Sam was less defiant and more surprised, exemplified in his statement ‘that was unexpected’. And so the only budding romance of the week was Samuel and Charlene, with the pair leaving together, giggling like playing children and leaving a warm fuzzy feeling for viewers at the end of the show – with emotions overwhelming Charlene to the point of tears. Aww.

And so what did we learn this week? I think a lot of the truisms of dating and attraction were revealed in the show. Confidence and even mild arrogance can be very attractive to girls, but once that behaviour becomes condescending you’re in big trouble. The interpretation of the ‘treat ‘em mean make ‘em keen’ philosophy is paramount when attracting the fairer sex. If you are genuinely mean to someone, of course they’re not going to like it. This was evident in Sam telling Janine to ‘shut-up’ and to ‘hush’. Two big NO-NO’s when speaking to a girl as they feel completely demeaned. He overstepped the mark here and moved to being offensive and the result was a complete turn off for Janine. However, being the opposite is equally a turn off, and time after time I see good guys falling for this. Being overly complimentary without sufficient appreciation for your own value wears thin as it’s all too easy and the lack of a challenge removes the feeling that there’s a prize to be won. Also, the excitement and allure of the chase is removed and sexual tension dwindles, taking the spark and the edge out of the relationship and leaving the partner unsatisfied and bored.

And so this is where the interpretation of the philosophy kicks in. Compliments are great and important when appropriate, but when they become constant they lose their effect and become overbearing. If you find yourself constantly complimenting your partner it will devalue you somewhat as you take the attention away from your own positive traits. Be sure and make your partner aware of your positive traits as well, although keep this subtle and humorous, as boasting is not cool. In my humble experience, it’s all about creating a situation where you don’t seem easily attainable and that you are a high value individual and that makes your partner want to fight harder for you and builds up attraction and respect. Here are some rules from the ‘treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen’ academy that I’ve seen help to develop attraction in this way. As I say, these only really apply in the initial stages as once you’re in a relationship you really just need to be yourself and the connection should be based on who you are. But nonetheless, I’ve seen the following rules to be effective.

Rule #1 – Ladies, NEVER sleep with a guy the first time you meet if you want a relationship. Very often, a guy can’t wait to get you out of the house once he’s slept with you on the first night, and the sort of ‘been there done that’ attitude kicks in. He has all the power in the relationship to reject you. And ultimately that’s what will probably happen. Hold back for as long as you can within reason and you can maintain your own respect and keep your man interested. A secret that not all women know – men LOVE women who respect themselves.

Rule #2 – Don’t get high on your own supply. No, sorry, that’s drug dealing. My bad. Seriously though, Rule #2 – Don’t be too attainable. If a guy calls and suggests a date, it’s no harm to push back a little and say you’re busy on the night suggested but that another night will be okay. Again, making you more difficult to attain and making the guy realise that you’ve got your own life going on is a good thing. It makes you a more worthy challenge. Also, if a guy or girl texts in the initial stages, leave a time lag before replying. Allow some tension to build, the release will be enjoyable and much more appreciated than if you give them a response instantly. It may seem like game playing, but it’s more like teasing while also generating a chase mentality rather than an ‘I’m always here for you’ mentality which often reduces attraction.

Rule #3 – Remember – ‘You’re the Prize!’. So behave like it. As mentioned earlier, if you feel like you’re doing all the complimenting but you’re not getting it in return then stop. Give yourself some compliments, tell some funny stories about previous dates highlighting subtly that other girls / guys are into you. Talk subtly about your successes, again, don’t boast or sound arrogant, but subtly mentioning achievements / popularity etc. makes you a more worthy candidate for the job and shifts the dynamic of you doing all the chasing.

Just a few quick rules from the handbook that have been passed down for generations. Anyway, back to the show, next week on Dating in the Dark, we meet three new girls in player-hating Sam, who is ‘waiting to be discovered’, ‘crazy’ Kat, a 21-year old Mancunian model, and tattoo emblazened Steph, an edgy model looking forward to being judged on personality before looks for change. Batting for the lads, we have Rob & Mikey, twins from Chelmsford, and Dale, a print technician searching for ‘the one’ having previously seen an engagement end in failure. Tune in and find out if our lads are matched with their princesses, or just another dragon to be slayed along the way. Until next week, Diarmaid.

This Week’s Dating in the Dark

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